Think About Nothing
by schlopreceptacle
Summary: Vegeta struggles to reconcile some of the atrocities he's committed in the past. Takes place in early Dragon Ball Super. Some PTSD themes. Kakavege Week Prompt #9: Daily Routines
Every day Vegeta wakes up and trains in the gravity room. He battles small spheres spitting lasers and thinks about nothing.

Mid-morning he leaves, takes a shower, gets some lunch. If his wife and son are home he eats with them. If not he eats alone.

Then he goes back and trains some more.

At dinner he eats again. His wife asks his son how his day was. Vegeta listens but can't always remember.

And then he trains and takes another shower.

At night he lays in bed next to his wife and wonders if the immense weight sitting on his chest is real or imagined. He dreams of morning when he can train again. When he can think about nothing.

* * *

Something has disrupted his routine.

Bulma is having her birthday party. Outside he knows visitors have gathered, hungry to eat her rich food and mingle with the wealthiest woman in the world on her own chartered cruise ship. This year she's offering up even more lavish prizes than ever: vacations and jewels and a chance to make a wish on the Dragon Balls.

"Vegeta, sir… Ms. Brief is requesting your presence at her party." The assistant walks into the gravity room like she owns the place. Vegeta's blood pressure rises.

"You're interrupting my training. Tell her I'll do no such thing."

"Are you serious, Vegeta!?" Bulma's voice shrieks through the phone. "How dare you think you can get away with not coming to your beautiful wife's birthday party!?"

It's not that he doesn't want to go. He just has to train. If he can train then everything will be okay.

The assistant leaves, and the spheres turn back on. If he can just keep going a little bit longer, hit them a little bit harder, turn the gravity up just a little bit more… Maybe then things will be okay.

* * *

Things are not okay. And he's not strong enough to stop it.

The God of Destruction stands before him, staring down at him and the earthlings that are utterly helpless to defend themselves. Vegeta cradles his injured arm as Bulma holds him close.

After all-I still wasn't strong enough. And because of me, people are going to die. Again.

But he's here now. Kakarot has arrived. The savior that Vegeta himself knows he can never be. Nevertheless, his heart leaps in his chest. Kakarot was the last thing he wanted to think about, especially now.

When it's all over, Vegeta lays in bed and stares at the ceiling. He can't sleep anymore, not even for a moment.

The next morning, he leaves to train with Whis and Lord Beerus. He knows the training will be hard. But once he's there, he quickly settles into a new routine again. It feels good. He doesn't have to think about a thing.

Until Kakarot arrives.

* * *

"Vegeta, how come you don't sleep?"

His heart does that skipping nonsense again. "What are you going on about now?"

Kakarot sits on the edge of his bed. He has just woken up. His hair juts every which way. He's not wearing a shirt. Vegeta looks away, focusing on making his own bed.

"You stare up at the ceiling all night. And then you get up so early. You know rest is just as important as training, right?" The clown stands up and stretches.

"Of course I do, fool. It's none of your business how I sleep."

"All right then!" Kakarot reaches over and touches Vegeta on the shoulder. The touch sends a spark through his chest.

"I'm glad I decided to come here." The Earth's savior shares a small smile. His hand falls away, and he leaves.

* * *

The next night, Vegeta dreams for the first time in years. In his dream he holds up his palm and sends a ki blast into darkness. Beyond his vision, innocents cry out and then are silenced. He feels a wrenching in his chest, the painful result of the battle between his pride and his devotion to something more important than himself.

He wakes with a start. Sweat pools under him. He reaches out and feels the touch of warm skin on his fingertips.

"'Geta…" Kakarot's gentle whisper is the only sound in the pitch black night.

"Why are you in my bed?" Vegeta frantically wipes wetness from his face.

"You were yelling in your sleep."

"Yelling what?"

"Just sounds. Like you were in pain." Thick arms wrap tightly around him. "I hate hearing you like that. Were you dreaming?"

Vegeta hesitates.

"Yes."

"What were you dreaming about?" Kakarot's whisper is barely audible.

"Majin Buu. And Babidi. And..."

Kakarot says nothing. Vegeta finds he can't stop the wetness under his eyes. "I killed all those people that day, Kakarot. And I tried my hardest to kill you…"

Kakarot squeezes tighter. "You redeemed yourself for that, Vegeta. Otherwise you would still be in hell."

"I've tried to prove myself. That I can be strong. That I can protect the ones I love. But I couldn't protect Bulma from Beerus. Or protect you…" Between deep breaths Vegeta realizes he has said too much.

"You don't need to protect me, 'Geta."

"I don't know if I can protect you from myself." The words feel heavy and jumbled in his mouth.

"You're my friend. We're past all that now." Kakarot's warm hands rub Vegeta's shoulder.

Vegeta feels intensely grateful that it's dark. "It doesn't seem like that long ago, Kakarot. I know we wished all those people back but what's to stop it… to stop me from doing that again?"

"I know you're not that person anymore. I saw the way you fought Buu in the end. I was watching when you fought Beerus after he hit Bulma. The old Vegeta wouldn't have done those things to protect this planet."

Vegeta finds himself burying his face in Kakarot's chest like an infant. He can't help it; the man has become too much of a comfort to him. "Out of all people I deserve your forgiveness the least."

"Why would you say that?" Kakarot tries to reach down and tilt Vegeta's chin up, to look in his eyes.

Vegeta doesn't budge. "You're the one who made it your mission to protect this planet. And I've done everything I could do foil it and kill you."

Kakarot chuckles, a warm sound rumbling in his chest. Vegeta purrs in response. "You really are stubborn, Vegeta. I know you've done some bad things. But that's all in your past now. You're a changed person. We all know that." Kakarot sighs, and Vegeta senses he has something on the tip of his tongue.

"What else?" he whispers into the darkness.

"I've met a lot of people on this planet. A lot of bad people too. And you're the one who has changed the most. You've done everything you can to prove that you're a good man. I really admire that about you, Vegeta."

There it is again in his chest. He feels like Kakarot is squeezing his heart.

He senses Kakarot's lips on his forehead, a gentle kiss. Vegeta closes his eyes and lets the remaining tears fall and then slowly dry on his cheeks. Kakarot holds him tight… and soon the buffoon is snoring.

Vegeta stays awake. This wasn't supposed to happen. He cringes in embarrassment. And yet Kakarot's arms slung sleepily around him feel like wonderful gifts. How can a man like him keep giving of himself-his forgiveness, his friendship, his love-to trash like me?

Vegeta stays awake for a long time. He finds that he can no longer think about nothing.

* * *

The next day they wake up together. Kakarot just smiles and doesn't say a word. They eat breakfast, then train with Whis. Then they eat lunch and train some more. The routine feels good.

So does Kakarot's warm smile every time Vegeta looks up at him.

* * *

Vegeta sleeps well that night. He dreams of the first time he met Kakarot. The idiot was magnificent. No other fight had ever been so thrilling. Vegeta's Saiyan blood had craved that fight. And as he dreams he feels that skipping in his chest again.

It no longer feels so scary to think about everything. Kakarot has started reminiscing with him when they go to bed. Sometimes Vegeta lets Kakarot hold him when they talk. They talk about every moment they've ever spent together, every fight and every battle.

Soon the weight that always sat on his chest is gone. He looks back on his life and mistakes and sees a man that he doesn't quite recognize. He knows he'll always have those memories, and his past can never change. But he can see beyond it now. He can see a future where he continues striving to be a good man. It all seems easier when he thinks about Kakarot's smile, of the gentle kiss on his forehead, of the words he never thought he'd hear Kakarot say. Everything seems easier now. Everything seems okay.


End file.
